Did I Make a Mistake Doing This?

Can I be honest with you? I don’t handle time pressure really well. When life gets busy and I have a lot of things competing for my attention I feel anxiety start to build. I need margin. I actually take great care to build that into my schedule. But, these days we got some stuff going on and I don’t fully control my calendar.

That is making this 20k One Year Step Challenge a…well…challenge. I’m committed to getting at least 20,000 steps every day for a year with no breaks. Last week was Week Four. As you can see I got the steps with quite a few extra on a couple days.

Those days were Tuesday and Wednesday. That’s when the I felt the time crunch most acutely. To be clear, I don’t mean those were the busiest two days. They weren’t. This calendar issue actually involves the next several weeks, at least. It also involves some things that we can’t control and will require our time and attention. Tuesday and Wednesday is simply when I felt the weight of all that.

I was in the car driving when the anxiety started. For some, driving is relaxing. Not for me. It’s when I feel stress the most. And, it’s not a “traffic sucks” and I’m simply reacting to that. I work some really weird hours and generally miss heavy traffic. It’s just my mind starts dwelling on everything I have to do and I wonder how I’m going to get it all done.

I suspect the car is not the best place for me because I’m sitting. Seriously. I’m a better person when I’m moving. I’m able to gain clarity and think more creatively when I’m walking. There’s actually research that backs this up. Our brains work better when we are walking.

So, Tuesday and Wednesday I moved. A lot. I was able to get a handle on the calendar issues I can control and think through how to build in some flexibility for the things I can’t. Those walks also put me in a better mood. I was grateful for that.

In several posts recently I’ve alluded to “stuff” we are facing. At some point I’ll explain what that is. I can’t right now. What I can say is this. The 20k One Year Step Challenge is both terrible and great for me while this is going on. It’s terrible because it feels like one more thing that has to get done. I’ve even wondered if it was a mistake to try this right now. But, it’s not. Combined with prayer, it’s exactly what I need.   

Week Five is underway and I’ll have an update next Monday. Thanks for reading.

2 thoughts on “Did I Make a Mistake Doing This?

  1. Amber

    Thanks for putting your struggle to paper. I hope it helped to identify it and now, friends like me know how to pray more specifically for you! Anxiety-prone people like me, too, also benefit from hearing how you are seeking God and finding or making margin in this process to proactively deal with where you find yourself these days! God is good, always, and some of that goodness is made evident when we confront our brokenness. It is ironic and surprising at times, but as I age and encounter more trials, I see this play out more and more. The world doesn’t need more shame and guilt from comparing our self righteous successes; No, the world of imperfect humans needs to see how Christians are truly dependent people, broken, anxious, fearful, angry, etc., YET by the grace of God, we can and do have an attractive JOY and HOPE. Whatever your “stuff” is, we know God has you and “it” and we wait expectantly to see how God meets you in the midst of it and proves His faithfulness yet again. Keep walking. God bless you, Dave❤️

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